Monday, April 29, 2013

WHERE HAVE I BEEN???? FELL OFF THE PLANET??? No! Introduction to what I've been doing!

“The whole earth is full of His glory”, “This is the day that the Lord has made, I will be glad and rejoice in it” – scriptures that resonate joy and confidence in the Lord; scripture that many scoff at because of their broken heart from broken relationships from hurt and abuse endured within the church. Church hurt. We may have experienced it ourselves, or we’ve heard of it, we have friends who have endured it, and others turn a blind eye to the deeds done, and a deaf ear to the stories of agony.

There is no ‘quick-fix’ for this experience, yet some believe you can and will ‘just get over it’. How painful to endure such life-altering grief from actions of those who are in leadership of service to God. Confusion, anger, denial, rejection, isolation, sorrow, depression are just a few words that describe these emotional seasons these hurt individuals can suffer.

What is a solution? Where do they turn to? There are many out there, lost in the crowds of believers longing for healing of these wounds, searching for someone who will validate their feeling, needing someone who will listen and empathize, and seeking ministry to them to bring them back into the flock, a fellowship of believers.

After combing through numerous books and articles, and collecting stories from a network of fellow believers, it is the writer’s conclusion: There needs to be a well-publicized ministry for those who have experienced spiritual abuse from local churches.

The pages that follow will present the case for those who are hurt. Research data to represent the number of those hurt here in Bakersfield, CA are unavailable. However, from utilizing social media locally, it has been ‘unofficially’ concluded that at least 10% of the population the writer knows has suffered a ‘hurt’ from a local church.  To substantiate this assumption, we will consider George Barna’s findings and statistics through his surveys. We will also define ‘spiritual abuse’, otherwise referred to as ‘church hurts or wounds’, review a variety of scenarios and explanations that more specifically address pains from church leadership. We will also look at ‘Bob’s’ story and consider the implications from his experience, as well as the effects on other areas of his life that were impacted and where he is now. 

Bob’s story will clearly show how a church hurt necessitates counsel, support, encouragement, admonishment, and help to move forward from suffering and back into service for the Lord. As we aim to realize the gravity of these wounds, we see that church hurts, wounds, abuse are an attack on the unity of the body of Christ. Moving people from pain and back to participation in the local church is a central goal for ministry to this hurt population.

We will explore the case for counseling as an initial plan for redeeming the brokenhearted stories and renewing their identity for spiritual wholeness. In considering the magnitude of pain, specifically ‘grief counseling’ is considered and contrasted with a deliverance type ministry. The hurt individual’s own faith and dependency on God will affect the avenue to take, and since it is the goal to move them toward freedom in Christ, sensitivity to where they are spiritual will be considered.  In the exploration of the broad and general term counseling, we do encounter ‘secular counseling’, which we will address this terminology and present why this is not a doctrinally sound tactic to help believers in Christ. We will resolve there is a great need for one-on-one counseling, followed up by a small group study to move the individual from victimhood to victory.

In our evaluation of all the information read and researched, a potential recovery ministry was birthed: HOPE AFTER HURT (HAH). The focus of HAH is a ministry designed for those specifically hurt by church leadership. While the goal of HAH is wholeness, the population of individuals who have been sexually abused by church leadership would be referred for specialized help for the sexual abuse, as that is a more sensitive topic and outside of the scope of individuals HAH aims to serve. Yes, there is a great need for restoration for that population, but there seems to be various sexual abuse counselors and resources for them. HAH is proposed for the underserved group of the ‘unchurched’ and those who ‘want God, but not the church’. The goal of HAH is to complete the walk of healing with a group of individuals who have suffered similar offenses and comparable devastation from church leadership. The goal is to bring people to an environment of understanding, empathy, and renewed hope. This also serves as a reentry phase for ‘counselees’ to become part of a larger group, no longer isolated, but brought back into friendship with other Christian believers. This small group participation will bring more restoration and ease to the concept of fellowship again, which moves us closer to the goal: to recover unity in the body of Christ. After months of research, a potential book partnered with the Bible was located to take a group through reading and enrichment activities (homework). After reading this particular book, a basic framework was conceived as a potential 16-week program to offer to the hurt. ReChurch, Healing Your Way Back to the People of God by Stephen Mansfield will be shared and briefly reviewed with potential and inspired assignments to accompany it for a greater results for participants.

Additionally, a second ministry, serving as follow-up to HAH is presented as well. Keeping in mind that a central goal is for the individuals to be a part of a church, a body of believers again. Maintaining the Word of God that calls us to assemble together, THE DISCIPLESHIP HOUSE (TDH) is introduced as a small group solution to take these previously-wounded individuals back to a church body.  We will briefly discuss the term transference within the context of counseling, while it is a secular term, it does bring clarity of why TDH is presented as a non-church affiliated discipleship group. Upon completing HOPE AFTER HURT, many may have a refreshed spiritual walk, however, it is necessary to remain sensitive to the fact that some may (still) not be willing to ‘jump right back into church’ right away. It’s as though TDH is another ‘next step’ after HAH, aimed to promote and introduce individuals back to the scriptural ideals of corporate worship, exhortation, prayer, and Bible teaching. In addition to fulfilling Matthew 28:19, 20 and creating disciples who are open again to following the leading and direction of the triune God, an additional goal of TDH is to nurture a desire and trust in the hearts of the participants to return to a larger corporate church body, one in which there is greater opportunities to serve and become part of a bigger purpose for God.

It is understood that the pages that follow is not an exhaustive list of solutions. The objective is to expose the reality of spiritual abuse, yet offer a hopeful remedy through the means of biblical counseling and small group meetings.  What is presented herein is a result of testimonies of heartbreak that have been confidentially shared with the writer of this work. With a mission to truly fulfill Romans 8:28, time, energy, and listening ears were made available to read and hear the stories of true offenses. Two years ago, stories of truly life-altering events shared sketched the outline of such a need of ministry in Bakersfield, CA. With the use of the discernment of the Holy Spirit, insignificant, petty, surface issues did not motivate these conclusions. However, more research of the topic of ‘spiritual abuse’ revealed this kind of restorative ministry would supply many communities, nationwide, with a resource of recovery and redemption.

Upon introducing this possibility, we see how each individual’s experience may place them in a different tier of need, if you will. There may be instances that just group participation in HAH is sufficient for an individual, while another may need one-on-one counseling for six months to a year. A key attribute of the leaders of this kind of ministry is truly patience, in addition to a fervent belief in prayer, and belief that God will do the work of healing for individuals to rebuild their lives. These attributes point to the worldview of this writer, which is foundational to understand why the concepts and solutions have been offered herein for people who are hurt by the church.
 
www.thediscipleshiphouse.com can be visited, thanks to blogger....hopeafterhurt.blogspot.com is where we are working on what will be www.hopeafterhurt.org
 
Continue to pray for me!

Monday, April 8, 2013

Rambling Reflections from Cabin Fever

Heard a message yesterday on why as believers we need
This is a great image of the cabin I feel like I've been isolated
to this week...yes, old, shabby, amidst the misty woods.
But...hey, I'm alive & NOT crazy yet! ;) 
community...and why we are part of the church. As the pastor spoke, his words of 'you aren't meant to be in isolation' pierced my heart.


All too often I allow life to happen so much so that I become isolated from my friends and family. And then there are the times that I become isolated from life, like this week....

Interesting how dealing w/ sick family for 3 weeks really revives perspective. I am now convinced, I really run too many errands, I really don't have to do all the things I am convinced I have to...and that above all, my devotional life and family are still my main priorities.

And in the midst of my own horrible cold, I depended on the consistent deposits of my quiet time when I was physically unable to pull myself out of bed, or off the sofa to dig into the Word.

My husband told me multiple times this weekend, "I don't know how you do it...." And while coughing my own head off, spitting up yellow junk, blowing my nose constantly, and popping the pain relievers for aching head from cold/flu....

I thought to myself, "Do I have an option?"

See, I have 2 little boys that I intentionally stay home to care for. My husband is our sole financial provider. It works best this way. And even when I am sick, can my husband honestly wake up to care for my kids in the middle of the night when he must work the next day? Honestly?

And in light of pregnancy, giving birth, and recovering from that, a cold/flu is NOT worse, therefore, I can endure.

There are things in life that are optional. Things we devote our money to. Things we devote our time to. Things we devote our energy to. When it comes to the Lord and my family - those are my 2 most highest priorities, and devoting my time and energy to them is a must!

In saying that however, in this last week of not really leaving the house and having contact with the outside world, I realize that I have become isolated from life, people, and community.

Everything takes balance, time-management, and prioritizing. I often appreciate the times that illness strike because of the fresh perspective I get.

Sometimes life gets too comfortable, predictable, and routine, we need some adversity to appreciate the good, yet not so exciting times that life can bring.

One other thing that I faced this week....
the question of whether or not I spoil my boys waaaaaaay
too much when they are sick...

Although, when my husband was sick with his flu, I waited on him, served him meals in bed, kept the water and meds coming. Why would I not do the same for my little boys? See here, again, I am making deposits into their hearts when they need me the most. And hey, after two decades of this, I'm almost definite they will be committed to taking care of me when I'm 80ish.

But even more importantly, while, yes I am 'raising men'...I am also raising fathers, parents. It is my goal to be an example of sacrificial love and nurturing to them. Many adults these days don't depend on others because they grew up unable to depend on their own parents. It is my goal to not raise emotionally handicapped men. Issues are birthed out of children's physical needs not being met by their parents, ya know....look it up...all kinds of things documented on this kind of stuff...so I'll err on the side of doing my best and offering them my best too.

But isn't it my responsibility to care for my kids emotionally and physically? So then, is catering to their appetite when they haven't had one for 2 days really spoiling them, or providing for them?

I'm so turned off my emotionally handicapped people telling me how to be harder on my boys. Trust me, I am when the time is appropriate...but when they've been feverish, ill, bed-ridden/sofa-bound for a few days, I err on the side of grace and service.

God is love. And He is our example of love. Why are parents who sacrificially love their children with honest sincere love, not the
'stuff in place of affectionate love', but why are these parents picked on?

I want my boys to grow up to be so affectionate. Why? I am so tired of hearing women complain that their husbands are NOT affectionate. Why aren't they affectionate? They weren't raised to be. Simple as that. "I love yous", hugs, and kisses are exchanged throughout my home, DAILY. Affection is a very necessary thing to thrive you know. So then, why wouldn't give my kids everything they need to thrive????

Just some rambling to let some thoughts out of this head while I catch a break during a nap of the boys...do you reflect on things like this when you are isolated from the world during the cold/flu season???

.....til next time....God bless.