Do I have to admit that today is my birthday?

I really, really, really used to love my birthdays. When I was a kid, we always had cake and ice cream at my granny's house. Then my early 20s...well that was B.C. and it was a week long party. Then I got to go through the phase of 'dinners w/ my girlfriends'.

I don't know what changed. Maybe it was the year I turned 30....since becoming a mom, I've been reluctant to go hang out with friends, like I love to do.

If you gotta know...I'm 35 today. And all week, I've struggled with admitting that. Trust me...I'm wondering why?

Have I really grown that vain

to be so caught up with numbers?

Maybe it's because I dress like I'm in my mid-20s and I'm wondering if I should dress more....more like a 'woman'. Wear the professional garb to grocery shop in??? Yikes.

The worse thing for me actually is a little boy, in the grocery store, saying "Hey LADY"...lady? Ladies are the white-haired, grammy-looking ladies...I'm not a lady in that sense. And then, I'm kinda on the tom-boy side...so I'm not really a lady in the other sense either.

For the record, 35 is not old. It's just a milestone that came too soon for me.
I don't feel 35. I don't think I look it either. However, I will say, I aged 5 yrs. in 2010 between having Jacob and nursing 1/2 the year during nights...and waking up every other month for 2 weeks w/ a coughing 3 year old. That did my skin in...good morning fine lines!

My 'cosmotological friends' insure me that botox is just what I need. But, I saw a 'lady' at Target the other day...her face was wrinkle-free, no lines in the forehead, or around the eyes...but man...her neck...well it showed signs of being way older than her face did. I don't want that either.

So what is all this halabaloo about 35? I don't know. I mentioned on FB the other day that mathmatically 35 is closer to 40. You know, when it's 5 or greater, you round to the nearest 10. Oh dear! (Not that 40 is old...)

Maybe my issue is being in the best shape of my life. I am able to run faster than I did in high school. I'm a size 5, smaller than I was when I was 23...but now...I'm 35. I should be celebrating that I can do over 20 push-ups at age 35, huh?

I think I'm stuck on the thought that no matter what I do, no matter how young I feel, look or act...I am 35. I cannot do anything about that number. I am "growing up" whether I want to or not.

At 35, I think people will take me more serious. But does that mean no more ballcaps for bad hair days?

At 35, I do sound a bit wiser. But does that mean that 'grandma' won't get invited out of the house after dark?

At 35, I'm getting a bit better at this mommy-thing. But will I embarass Daniel nearing 50 when he graduates high school...and over that hill when Jacob does????...oh mercy. (Not that 50 is old or anything...)

Hmmmm. If I had to go by the way I "feel", I'd say "I'm 27ish". From far away, I may be mistaken for 25. But up close and personal...you may plainly see that I am 35.

I am 35 today. Today, I am 35.
I turn 35 years old today.

Maybe if I keep repeating it, I'll believe it. It's so hard for me. When did this happen? It just doesn't seem possible. Ummm, so does it have to?

Is this why there's the saying, "Never ask a woman how old she is"? Because, I think...the next time I get asked for my age...that will be my response.

For the record, I don't think 35, 40, 50 or any age between 35 & 60 is 'old'...I am just in awe at the fact I've made it this far. I think when we're teenagers, we can't fathom being 21...then we're 21 and we think there's no way we'll be 30...then one day, we wake up 35 and it's like reality. I finally feel like 'a grown-up'. Can't hang w/ the young ladies anymore and not seem like the 'mentor' in the group. The days of flying under the radar with my age are over baby.......bummer!

Oh well, Happy 35th Birthday to me anyways!