Do you hold them?
Do you kiss them?
Do you rub their back, neck?
Do you listen with concern?
Do you take time for them?
Do you romance them?
Do you eat with them?
Do you call them throughout the day?
Do you pray with them?
Do you share responsibilities?
Maybe you read this, and you reason: Well they don't do it for me, so I won't for them. What if you started doing these things? What if you committed to doing it for 3-6 months? Don't you think at some point it would be reciprocated? And if you continued pouring into them...they would pour into you? Just maybe, do you think that might happen?
In reading about how extramarital relationships start, I realize that for the most part it comes down to a word:
V O I D S
There are numerous areas in marriages these days that are void of attention, intimacy, time, and interest that is ONLY appropriate for the spouse to fill. Spouses are not pouring into eachother.
What saddens me is that many wives or husbands express these voids, to one or the other, time after time, only to be left feeling more rejected and neglected when their needs and heartaches are left unfulfilled.
Do you hear irony in this:
Husband says to his friend:
"My wife keeps nagging on me to kiss her more."
HELLO - If your wife is 'nagging'
about needing more kisses...
then get to kissing - right?
What came first - the chicken or the egg? For some cheat out of an unsatiable, perverted, lustful obsession that is something that needs personal deliverance from and deeer help. And in reviewing material and observing things, I see that some don't ever intend to fall into an affair or extramarital relationships. It seems that some instances of cheating stems from years of neglect compounding, physical and emotional needs going unmet, and the person (sooner or later) becoming vulnerable.
Sometimes, the heart's cry just for someone to listen and care is met by another lonely human being...and the two meet their own needs with eachother. Some reason and justify it was way of survival. Really, it's a result from internal brokenness.
So many emotions are entangled with these scenario. My mathematical mind loves to narrow things down into formulas.
Wife fulfilling her husband's needs
+ Husband fulfilling his wife's needs
= Satisfying Marriage
Can it really be that simple?
My nature is to be a problem-solver...and very proactive. If we individually were committed to doing our part and fulfilled our roles of husband or wife, would our spouse have any reason to cheat on us? (Outside of the lustful, sex-crazed addictive kind of stuff.)
I don't know. I would like to find a prevention recipe. Where I'm at, I see that powerful praying spouses who resort to fasting and prayer have great results within their marriage. Would you agree with the following?
- Couples who are not afraid and humble enough to go to marriage counseling tend to do better.
- Couples who do not hide their problems, but reach out for prayer do well.
- Couples who protect their marriages by NOT making (close) friends with people of the opposite sex are less vulnerable.
- Couples who pray together, stay together.
- Couples who are transparent and reach out to help others seem to be strengthened.
- Husbands and wives who fear the Lord stay more in line with His will for marriage.
So then, if we were to cultivate the following things in our lives, would we set up many safeguards that would protect our marriage? Would these secure our families?
- Wisdom
- Boundaries
- Purity
- Devoted Prayer Life
- Bible Study Time
- Accountability
- Honesty
- Humility
Just some thoughts inspired by what I've been reading in preparation on my final topic of 'Sex Apart From Marriage'. I agree their are ALWAYS two sides to every story...but ALL affairs victimize, cause serious pain & trauma, jeopardize trust, and create insecurities...among other things.
This is not an exhaustive summary of the epidemic, just some thoughts to try and draw a conclusion:
If we can figure out the 'whys'...we can figure out the 'how-tos' for prevention!
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