Is it pride when you are fully aware of your weaknesses, but you still try and work for excellence?
Personally, and not to sound prideful, I am fully aware of areas I need to improve on. I know that I am a worrier, I lack much needed patience, and that I am NOT a gourmet chef. So then, I am not defensive when someone says, "Man, you seem anxious"...."Wow, you need to be more patient"...."This is for dinner?" See, if people were to ask me these things...I would not defend myself, I would agree with them...and either ask for prayer...or invite them to cook dinner next time.
(And that's just 3 examples of the many areas I need help in...I know there are others! Just by the way...)
My goal is to be I am 100% honest with myself and not set myself on a pedestal, thinking I've got it all figured out. The problem lies when people truly believe that I truly think I do have it figured out.
We've all met those teenagers or college-age kids that truly believe they have life figured out. They are entertaining to listen to because I remember being that way...and I am old enough and mature enough to accept that I am wrong in that thinking.
Maybe that's the source of where judgment comes against me. People's misconceptions of me creates the conflict. I'm pretty sure that people, in their lack of time, patience or true interest in me, judge me and believe that I see myself more amazing than I am.
In fact, the times I do get any kind of compliments of being great or something good comes out of me...I turn to the Lord and say, "Wow, that's nice, but if only they knew the truth"....I am aware of the truth of myself and that's actually what enables me to turn over all the nice words and comments to the Lord. Because, honestly, I know that anything good, great or amazing that actually results from my efforts is really God's doing and by His grace, He used me.
I am significant to the Lord. I know this. He is my Maker and Creator. And it is His opinion of me that gives me confidence. If I left my self-esteem up to my own opinion of myself (or others), I would default to a very insecure, depressed person because I am fully aware that I have so far to go.
Now, in the event that someone who is very UNaware and UNaccepting of their own faults and weaknesses tries to bully me - oh watch out!
Another one of my weaknesses pops it head up and I default to the "Let me set you straight" mechanism. This need to defend myself to imperfect, jacked-up fellow believers who walk in superficial confidence really gets my heart-pumping.
FACT: I STILL NEED TO GROW & MATURE!
Unfortunately, since I believe so fully in the power of transparency and self-awareness, I make it a mission to set out and inform people that they too are not perfect, and I take it to the next level by pointing out the obvious areas that they need to improve on.
My biggest error, and what I've been told NOT to do is 'be the Holy Spirit' to people. Trust me, I don't want this role....and my error isn't necessarily that...I'm wrong in not waiting on the person to respond to the Holy Spirit.
I think I conclude that "surely if this person was sensitive to the Holy Spirit, this wouldn't be an issue for them anymore....it's obvious that they can't hear God"...and so, I speak up to "help" them see the light and inform them of what needs some attention in their character or life.
I believe that some of these people do not hear God's voice (because no one has taught them how, and so I am trying to "help" them). Or, I imagine that they are simply ignoring it, ignoring the conviction of the Spirit. And so, I take it upon myself to point out some things that don't line up with the Word. Trust me, I know this is not the "right" thing to do by man's standard....but again:
I STILL NEED TO GROW & MATURE!
So with that....I hope that this message of transparency will encourage you to examine yourself a little more and accept that you too still need to grow and mature. It's okay. That's what life does...it teaches us about ourselves so that we can change and improve where needed.
But we can only change and still be confident about ourselves when we are hooked up to the Lord and we allow Him time to show us what He is working on. See, the confidence and self-acceptance comes from being secure in who I am in the Lord. I accept that I have a ways to go. I know this. I just wish people around me would accept that about me....and would admit it for themselves too!
What a wonderful place this would be if we could just accept ourselves, be honest with ourselves...and let that acceptance and honesty overflow into our relationship with others!
