This is the beginning of the end....

Wow...I am amazed that it is actually taking this long. Aren't you?

For those who have fallen victim to spiritual abuse, hopefully the following post will validate what you feel and will comfort you in some way.

This spring I turned in a thesis for my Master degree titled:

SPIRITUAL ABUSE:CREATES A NEED FOR A COUNSELING AND RESTORATIVE MINISTRY TO BRING HOPE TO THOSE WHO ARE HURT BY THE CHURCH

Can you believe it? Believers hurt believers? It's a phenomenon that I cannot wrap my mind around. Now, to qualify, this is not a silly disagreement, or doctrinal differences I'm talking about.

Actual SPIRITUAL ABUSE is much more devastating than that. I'm talking about where church leaders have misused their authority as a pastor to control, manipulate people for their own sordid gain.

From the book "The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse" by David Johnson and Jeff Van Vonderen, here is a quick list of dynamics to identify whether or not you are in an abusive system/church:

1. Power-Posturing: Leaders spend a lot of time focused on their own authority and remind other of it. The pastor may say, "In this flock, I'm the chief shepherd". Pastor who have true spiritual authority do not have to demand others to notice and set  people spiritually free, not tie in bondage.
2. Performance Preoccupation: Leaders spend time preoccupied with performance of their numbers...Obedience and submission are two words often used to control people and preserve attendance. Obedience and submission to the Lord and the Bible is important, not a man's interpretation, opinion, or personal theology.
3. Unspoken Rules: Leaders use spoken and unspoken rules to control the congregations lives. This is unhealthy. Many times people don't know what the rules are until they break one. Some abusive systems have a rule to 'never disagree with the pastor on his sermons'. Punishment often follows breaking unspoken rules unintentionally by either neglect (being ignored, overlooked, shunned) or aggressive legalism (questioned, openly censured, asked to leave).  Abusive churches have a pretend peace because of their 'can't talk rule'.
4. Lack of balance: Leaders here are objective in that what they interpret from God is superior, this often limits God. This puts God in a box. Leaders also forge ahead with 'spiritual revelation for people'...this environment seduces people to act according to the 'word' from the leader and not necessarily to the actual Bible. (Personal observation: Although, this superiority complex leader is often claiming to NOT put God in a box. However, when he/she is controlling the people...keeping them in a box, he/she is primarily limiting the power of the Holy Spirit living inside each person they are control. They are consistently keeping God in their own box.)

The problem with all these rules and the performance driven, power posturing imbalance of leadership is it creates an environment that actually keeps people from leaving...in all the controlling words blasted from the pulpit, the congregation leads a life of thinking their church is the best, the only one that hears God, the only one God uses, the only one that truly can lead people through a prayer to salvation. I do not see this as truth...this is deviant from the word of God.

According to Johnson and Van Vonderen, here are some characteristics of how the abusive spiritual system/church keeps people entangled and controlled:

1. Paranoia: This assumption that what this church says, knows, or does is a result of being more enlightened than others and others will not understand or will ridicule you...this persecution sensitivity builds a case for keeping everything within the system to isolate the abuser from scrutiny and accountability. This keeps people wounded. Creating fear is an often used tactic to keep people quiet and misled.
2. Misplaced Loyalty: Scare tactics are used of "losing God's blessing if you leave this church". These churches may even have you sign a loyalty statement, this is man legislating their power and control over you. These leaders may use humiliation to control by shaming, exposing, or threatening to remove you from the group. (Again this is all MISUSED AND ABUSED AUTHORITY).
3. Secretive: It's the IMAGE CONSCIOUS abusive leaders that HIDE their inappropriate behavior. This is why they oust or threaten others who may expose their sinfulness and controlling decisions/behaviors. (Some of these kinds of leaders actually avoid any confrontation with people who refuse to take the abuse/treatment.)

The dynamics and characteristics above exist in SPIRITUALLY ABUSIVE SYSTEMS. Get the book yourself and read it. It's a very real thing...I am not coming up with this stuff!

I did the research. I've seen the writing on the walls of such a system myself. For those of you who have been hurt by such a church...Trust me when I say: GOD IS NOT PLEASED.

I know in the fog of the hurt, pain and rejection, you want to punch the next person who quotes the scripture: Vengeance is mine, thus says the Lord, right?

But trust me, this is the beginning of the end for the abusive system/church that hurt you. The one that chewed you up and spit you out.

I have sat and scratched my head and said, "Surely the Holy Spirit is convicting them"...But over and over it continues to happen. I hear the excuse, "they don't know they are doing this". I call boloney on that! I rebuttal to these obvious, innocently deceived victims, "They have to know - they (supposedly) have the Holy Spirit...the Spirit knows...and the Spirit convicts people of this kind of behavior."

REVELATION: God reminded me of how the average person becomes dead to the Spirit's conviction on the sins they refuse to repent of. Now, repentance is NOT just asking God to forgive...it's actually STOPPING THE SINFUL BEHAVIOR. Sooooo, these abusive leaders that are continuing to hurt people over, and over, and over, and, yes - over again...must be dead to the conviction of the Spirit of God.

I've asked many times, "What now?" And now I find my new question to be:

Is this the point where God turns these individuals

over to their depraved mind?

Then what? We will see the walls fall down, the church building of these abusive people will become a desolate place. God's ultimate vindication for the hurt people who have been displaced and dispersed will come.

If this is you, if you've been hurt by 'the church', a pastor, a leader misusing their authority to control, manipulate or reject you....Warning: Get ready to have the hardest season of your life. This season will not be easy...but trust me when I say that because of your faithfulness, God will redeem you! God will restore you! He is our Redeemer and Restorer. Whatever you do, don't throw in your towel with your relationship with GOD!!!! You will have such a testimony at the end of this and God will give you an even greater cause, purpose, and ministry. God's justice will bring you into an even greater territory if you DO NOT GIVE UP! (on Him!)

Yes, get out and away from the abusive church. But keep in touch with the Lord through your devotional life and people who are compassionate and supportive and loving of you and accepting of your dilemma.

I am in the midst of building a ministry for you, the hurt and broken. My goal is to provide a safe environment that will NOT control you, but offer safety and freedom to experience the presence of God. His Presence is what heals, transforms, and renews.

My heart breaks for you. I know where you have been and where you are. Your emotions are real. It is truly an injustice. Those who have hurt you are not representing our Lord Jesus Christ properly...they are in fact grieving the Holy Spirit.

And this, my friend, I sadly declare is the beginning of the end of such ministries.

This is the 'tentative' conclusion...

Undoubtedly, there is a need for a reconciliation ministry for the grieved and displaced Christians who have suffered hurt within the church walls. George Barna’s studies defend this hypothesis and conclusion. Testimonies of devastated people within the Bakersfield’s Christian community substantiates that is a local issue that needs to be addressed. The frequency of these offenses that take place in Kern County does not minimize the gravity of it and should desensitize people to this injustice.  The numerous accounts of spiritual abuse actually indicate the dire need for a counseling and reconciliation ministry.

The author has discussed what needs to happen for which population. The implications of these wounds from spiritual abuse show the different aspects of people’s lives being negatively impacted by these offenses. While secrecy and fear of humiliation intimidate people into silence and isolation, the body of Christ can no longer ignore the stumbling blocks laid at the front doors of local churches. The local body of Christ is defeating itself as unbelievers and onlookers remain outside the church walls as they witness Christians hurting Christians. These mistreated people left to suffer cannot remain alone any longer - they need healing, restoration, and reconciliation.

Their wounds need to be healed, trust rebuilt, and their identity in Christ recovered. Families have been left impaired as fathers and husbands, the spiritual leaders, have stood up from their knees of prayer, walked away from their Bibles, and stepped down from places of service. The hearts who once put their hope in Christ need to be healed to live for God as the Bible teaches.

Their relationships with God need to be restored, communication with God reestablished, and their faith invigorated to believe God for impossibilities. Children have been left to suffer unnecessary chaos and disorder in their homes; marriages are strained and couples are unequally yoked because of the spiritual impairment that follows needless harm from church leaders. The minds that once put their hope in Christ need to be restored back into fellowship with God.

Friendships from church networks need to be reconciled, accountability groups reunited, and their spirits confirmed with love, grace, and mercy. Brothers and sisters in Christ have been torn apart; individuals stripped of their prayer partners and left abandoned. The souls who once had all their hope in Christ need to be reconciled back to the body of Christ, the church.

The spiritually wounded, abused, hurt, offended need help, a ministry to come alongside them to move them from pain and back into the center of God’s purpose for their lives. No longer should they be left in their despair praying that time will make the wrong right, but they should be offered a refuge to turn to for counseling and help.

The previous pages of this work contain a tentative idea for how to approach these people who share common grievances from spiritual abuse. The writer intends to reach out to about three to five individuals who have shared their stories to coordinate a test group for a trial run of this hypothesis. This would serve to verify whether or not counseling, followed by a small group study of the book ReChurch is adequate to bridge broken individuals back a vibrant connection with the Spirit of God and back into the fellowship of a church. This would allow this potential framework to be tested and validated, and present opportunity for necessary revisions. This test group could offer great feedback and confirm whether or not a small discipleship group would actually be necessary. This would verify whether or not a discipleship program needs to be further developed, and to what extent.

HOPE AFTER HURT will be formed to offer those who have suffered real grief from and through the body of Christ, church leaders, and elders. HOPE AFTER HURT will provide an environment for healing to take place. No longer will they have to stay silent and alone in their bitterness. There will soon be a ministry to help them forgive the abusers, and reconcile them back to God and to His people. Hope will be restored to those who have been hurt.

HAVE YOU BEEN HURT BY THE CHURCH/BELIEVERS?

It's time to plunge into my research. And because I want to be relevant, I reaching out to you for your input to get inspired! (If you are willing....)

Below is a link to a 10 question survey to get the ball rolling for me. I need to form a 'hypothesis' and I have a working one...but I think your answers to these questions will truly help me.

Click here to take survey


Please take a few minutes to answer this...and if you have a story to share, email it to me at:
ministryresearch@yahoo.com

All information is completely confidential. Names will be changed to protect the innocent and guilty!
Thanks so much!