A Strength can be a Weakness?????

Are you one who has some amazing qualities? They set you apart? You receive many accolades for them?

For those who really know me, know that I am...ummm...'unique'. Let's call it unique...huh? ;)

There are some traits in me that have sent me ahead of others. My ambitious drive, my commitment to excellence, my ability to take inititative,  my passion, focus, discipline, and determination - all seem to set me apart from the rest.

However, in the scope of the season I am in now, these strengths create a weakness in me.

Contradictory? I know. How can things that seem so good about me, not be good for me?

These strengths fly in full force in a work environment. They are highly necessary to remain efficient in the work force. I worked many years before having kids, and that's where my strengths became fully engaged and brought job security for that season of life.

Now, I am in a new season of life, a.k.a. MOTHERHOOD, where these strengths make me vulnerable. How? Read on.

Two Reasons:

1. Staying home is not easy for me. I am trying to learn how to turn determination and drive into motivating forces in the training and raising up of my kids. Attempting to discipline myself to focused on completing the chores around the house with excellence. Trying to take initiative in setting my kids up for success academically, as well as spiritually. This is not an easy task as HOME is not an environment that is conducive to drive, concentration, and ambition for me. I become vulnerable because I'm out of my element.
2. Since these traits are chomping at the bit to be used/released, I try to seize every opportunity to let them take charge and take me to the next level - OUTSIDE of the home. Here is where I become vulnerable because they take my focus and attention away from my kids.

My KIDS - they are the very reason why I am at home! Why is this it taking so long to sink into my hard head?

This particular chapter of my stay-at-home-chapter of life is soon becoming it's own volume. Since the day I started this chapter with my first son 5 years ago, I have longed for the day to go back to work. Yes...LONGED. So sad I know.

Many plans are in a man's heart,

But the counsel of the LORD will stand.

Proverbs 19:21

The beauty of having such a deep relationship with God, and the benefit of being so passionate for God's will for my life is that above all these strengths and desires to do more for others, work again, is that God has the final say-so.

What He says, I do!

It is apparent that these wonderful strengths that would move me up a corporate ladder swiftly. However, they are the very things that make me weak in answering the call to being a mom FIRST.

In this discovery and understanding of myself, I've set my husband as my accountability partner to not let myself take me far off base....HOME - BASE.

Listed in my office/study is a white board with my priorities written on it:

God - Devotional Time

Dave

Boys

School

Fitness

Everything else

The top 3 cannot compromise - they are main focuses in this season of life. So, in making decisions...I must come back to these top 3 and if my decision led by ME takes me away from fulfilling my commitment to them....well, we know what the decision must be, right?

Starting Thesis Research & I need your help!!!!

I am currently enrolled in our local Bible college to get my Master's degree in Christian Counseling and Leadership. And I have began to prepare for my thesis. I have a family that comes first and so I cannot procrastinate on researching these ideas. So I am being proactive and starting now to lay the groundwork.

First step was to:

Create an email account solely for

confidential correspondence for research.

And I've done that...read further for address & what I'm looking for...So now, I need to get the word out about what I'm doing.

The assignment for my thesis is to:

determine a ministry need in Bakersfield, CA.

So here is my request: If you live here in Bakersfield, CA or YOU DID....

I want to hear from you!

What do I see a need for?
In a nutshell, I have an idea for a need for counseling services that have great emphasis on prayer (the power of prayer), support groups, and accountability groups. 

I have an idea of what it will look like, but I need to confirm that it is a need here locally...and it is relevant to my community. Plus, are the specific groups I believe we need...truly a need?

So I invite you email me at ministryresearch@yahoo.com to become part of my contact list for questions and answers.

And YES! This will be 100% confidential. I fear the Lord so greatly - you have my word. Plus, my credibility starts now. So for my future ministry and in honor of the Lord, I will keep your name, your story, your questions and prayer requests strictly confidential.

In the event you were comfortable with me sharing your story, give me the name you would like to be called in my thesis, in the event I can use it. Sally, Joe, Mary, Mac, etc...you get the picture. ("All names will be changed to protect the innocent.")

What will this research be like?
I plan to start the research by doing questions of "what do you think about....?" "Do you think Bakersfield needs help here:_______?" "What is Bakersfield's local ministries lacking?" (Not in a judgemental way, but more of a matter of 'limited resources' kind of way.)

I don't want to recreate the wheel and I don't want to compete. But I really believe in the vision I have...and I want to confirm all that I've concluded, before I spend too much time reading articles and writing this 100 page paper.  (Yes, it's 100 pages...so you see the need for help right?)

Why am I doing this?
I truly believe that God has called me to edify and mend the body of Christ through a variety of ways. And creating this future ministry is one way to help the local body be stronger in their walks and pursuits for the Lord. Perhaps it will be a '501C3, non-profit parachurch organization'...a ministry that comes along the side of a church....not to compete AT ALL with a church...but to be a ministry that is strictly confidential & founded on the Word of God.

It will be non-denominational....and no doctrines of man, but completely accountable to Jesus Christ in upholding to the truth of the Bible. Biblically rooted, biblically sound counseling services.

So will you help me?
If you have something that's burdened you, you've seen a need for, need help with, please, I invite you to email me at ministryresearch@yahoo.com to become part of my thesis project.

And by the way, nothing surprises me either. I am a firm believer in the grace of Jesus Christ. My heart is to see people set free by the Lord. I stand on Matthew 19:26: ...with God all things are possible!!! And I want others to get to that place of faith as well.

So please, help me help our community!

Email me today. We will do correspondence through this email address and keep it very professional, educational, and biblically honoring.

Thanks!

Turning down the "ANXIETY"

Looking at a "Stay-at-home Mom" many husbands would think:

"What is there to be stressed out about?"

Then they add the forbidden adage: YOU DON'T WORK!

Personally I have struggled with the whole 'stay@home' gig ever since I had my near 5 yr. old. Has nothing to do w/ my kids...just the lifestyle change of going from working 40-50+ hours a week (for 10 years) to being at HOME - ALL DAY EVERYDAY! Yes, talk about emotional ups & downs while I try to figure out what my 'job' is, right? In fact, being the compulsive list-maker that I am....I made lists for those things too!

Add some sleep deprivation to the equation from having an out-of-control asthmatic, and then adding a newborn to the mix in 2010...yes, you get a sleep-deprived, stressed momma.

And I will admit that I become easily overwhelmed by my own lack of discretion over my time. My husband asks, "Why do you say yes to everyone?"  Because I feel that if I say 'no' and don't get out this cave, I get a bit on edge, if you know what I mean.

It is not healthy for my mind and soul to stay home, day after day...I need people. I need to talk.....to adults. Otherwise, I nearly spontaneously combust! My high-energy needs somewhere to go...and when it doesn't I become a 'high-anxiety' mom! :(  Yet, if I commit to go-go-go...guess what I become again by overcommitting. It's one of those crazy cycles I am trying to find balance for.

Since I'm naturally a problem-solver, I have been looking at my life and finding where I can unplug the "anxiety". It's a household word these days unfortunately. Many people need medical assistance with it. It's a very real, physical thing that takes place in the body. But before I reach that boiling point, I'm searching my life and looking for what needs to go to make for a better, peaceful, more pleasant/balanced mom.

So what is my solution? (Confession time!)

1. I've been weaning myself off the caffeine in the last week - yes, I too never thought I would see the day. I was drinking, in the morning - 8 cups of coffee...8 cups = 8 scoops of coffee. Each day I have decreased my 'dosage' by 1 scoop. And I'm proud to say that I am down to 1 scoop of regular coffee & 1 scoop of decaf this morning (and yes, I did get up at 5:15 a.m.). I quickly cut out p.m. caffeine on day 1 which was usually tea, sometimes green tea, and sometimes more coffee. (Probably got to this point from all the sleep I've lost since...ooooo....Daniel was born in 2007.) The thought occurred to me that the caffeine (in the dosing of 8 cups) probably really sets me on edge first thing in the morning...THIS IS IN MY CONTROL...so I'm getting myself out from under the control of the caffeine. This will leave my body at more peace.
2. Now I am trying so hard to not say "YES" to everything. Everything is the keyword here. There are times I need to say YES...but not always. This is sooooooo hard for me because I love helping people. Because our world is so high-techy, people are so consumed w/ their inboxes that they don't see those within arm distance reaching out to them in need. I, on the otherhand, have such heart to see people overcome, reach their goals, grow, change, get saved, grow closer to God, etc...I too often drop what I am doing for THEM...leaving my kids to entertain themselves - NO BUENO! The kids get whiny, I get stressed out and bam - meltdown!....THIS IS IN MY CONTROL...In order to have happy, satisfied kids who don't throw fits for mommy's attention, (leaving me overwhelmed & mad at myself/guilt-stricken) - I must detach myself a bit to the world outside my home, to be more available to my kids! This will bring me peace of mind and harmony to my home.

These seem to me 2 things that I can work on now today, this week!

Let me leave you with this verse and what I saw that I had never put together before:

.....THE LORD IS NEAR. Be anxious for nothing...

Found in Philippians 4:5, 6

I read it: Be anxious for nothing because the Lord IS near!

Finally....the rest of verse 6 - but through prayer & petition make your requests known...sometimes that process of prayer leaves me more stressed out then when I started...Yes, I know...there's more to it of why and how. But in a nutshell, sometimes when I go to pray over something that is stressing me out...I get more stressed. Sorry.

But the light bulb went on this week for me:

But because the Lord is near...He is in arm's reach - I do not need to be anxious for nothing. See, being anxious, fretful, and worried leaves us vulnerable to trials and temptations (read this in John MacArthur's commentary).

How often do we want to binge on cookies when the baby is crying, the noodles are boiling over, the phone is ringing, and your oldest just wrecked his bike in the backyard? AAAAAAHHHHH! Right?

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted

saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

I do pretty well at spending time with the Lord in the morning...my attempts to get filled up for the day. But I must stay mindful of His omnipresence throughout my day.

Time for accountability:

1. I must be responsible to get plenty of rest to not need my caffeine jolt in the a.m.
2. I must remind myself that it's my privilege to raise two mini-men of God for the future generations.
3. I must embrace selflessness and not give into the self-pity party of 'what about me?'
4. My relationship with my husband must be the most important human relationship I have.
5. I must be a peaceful/pleasant wife overflowing w/ "soothing, comforting, supportive" love to my family.

I know I can do these things because:

• "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." (Phil. 4:13)
• "MY God will supply all my needs according to His riches..." (Phil. 4:19)

So what's the mini-goals:

1. Get off the caffeine.
2. Stay committed to the time I've given my kids.
3. Run on time for my kids and husband.
4. Be diligent with my time & be a worker of my home (leaving it in order).
5. Fulfill my hearts desires of being available to my family above and beyond others.
6. Check my calendars and kids' love tanks before I say 'yes' to others.

When I do these things, I will (hopefully)

reach the ultimate goal of:

Turn down the anxiety/stress &

turn up the peace & harmony in the home!