I participated in a Freedom Retreat on Saturday. This is
part of a local ministry here in Bakersfield.
A-MAZING! I met the gentleman who offers these twice a year
at Summit, as he was the instructor for my Personal Deliverance class. My
intentions to go to the retreat were to ‘be better prepared to complete my
final’. The focus of the ministry is to help people be set free from bondages
from unforgiveness, habitual sins, curses, inner vows, poor self-image, and not
know the ‘Father’s Love’, as well as a few others.
I had prayed the week before for God to use this time to
bring up anything that had to be dealt with that I was missing. I have a pretty
great relationship with the Lord, but ‘just in case there are some issues
standing in the way, remove them’ I prayed. And God knows that I am adamant to
have the best relationship with Him possible. I gave him free reign to pull up
stuff that I had neglected, ignored, or I was oblivious to.
I dealt with some ‘offenses’. This translated into admitting
the frustration I feel toward people who I seem to always offend. God revealed
that while yes, I can be more sensitive, those I tend to ‘offend’ are they
themselves broken. When people are insecure, broken, have negative self-image
things I say that don’t even pertain to them, or at least my motive is making a
general statement, these broken people grab onto what I say, and take it
personal and either lash out at me or silently resent me. When they feel I am
personally speaking to them, they immediately feel obliged to justify, prove me
wrong, or get mad. Many times people’s reactions to me come out of left field
and I am heartbroken for how I made them feel. And then, I become mad because I
feel attacked. It’s a crazy cycle. God knows my heart. If I say general things
that people take personal, well that may be a tale-tale sign they have some
hurt that they need to deal with before God. I was such a verbally abused
child, highly criticized student, bullied and picked on, I know that words
hurt. I never intend to ever cut people down….ever. But if truth comes out of
my mouth that pricks the skin, and in turn people get mad at me, I can’t take
their anger at me personal. I truly need to pray for them, because their upset
reaction is a sign that they need healing and freedom themselves. Now, my goal
is to walk in that freedom and remain gracious and compassionate towards those
who get mad at me. Blessed are you when they cast insults at you for my name’s
sake – Matthew 5:11.
I dealt with other stuff…but the top thing that was so
freeing was the revelation that I do not know the ‘Father’s Love’. God the
Father. You see, God is 3 in 1 right? Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. I realized
that I have a great relationship with Jesus. I talk to Him all day. I call on
the Holy Spirit as well, all day. But to approach God as my Father? Yep, been
missing that one.
See I grew up without my dad in the home. And that in itself
is a chapter for another day. But because I didn’t have a dad to raise me, I
have no idea what dads/fathers do to take care of their kids. I do not have
something to associate God as a Father. A father was absent in my childhood,
and the Father seems absent in my adulthood.
What was amazing was the next morning after the retreat; I ‘randomly’
opened up to Matthew 6 and read things like this:
·
…your Father who sees what is done in secret
will reward you – Matthew 6:4
·
…for your Father knows what you need before you
ask Him. – Matthew 6:8
·
Pray, then, in this way: 'Our Father, who is in
heaven, Hallowed be Your name. – Matthew 6:9
·
…your Father who is in secret; and your Father
who sees what is done in secret will reward you. – Matthew 6:18
·
…your heavenly Father knows that you need all
these things. – Matthew 6:32
·
..how much more will your Father who is in
heaven give what is good to those who ask Him! – Matthew 7:11
Now, these verses are what I came
across just by opening up my Bible on Sunday morning, imagine how much greater
my picture of my heavenly Dad will be when I sit down to ‘study’. And I will,
and am. I am on a mission to find out how the most perfect, amazing Dad is.
What I realized Sunday morning
when I read these verses was that, I have read these before, but how amazing
and good the Father truly is didn’t quite penetrate my heart. Through this
retreat, the blinders were removed off my eyes to see that I didn’t see God as
my Father, because I didn’t realize that I didn’t see Him as one….not because
He hasn’t done a great job at being an awesome Father God to me, He’s perfect….He’s
been doing His job. I just didn’t know what to look for in a father, so I’ve
been missing it.
God comforted me with this verse,
however: "I and the Father are one." – John 10:30. This was Jesus
speaking. And see, I’ve always rocked with Jesus. He was the Son who died on
the cross for my sins….my many, many sins. And for Him I am so grateful. But Jesus
and the Father are one.
Perhaps a great starting point is
to take the love that Jesus extends to me through His dying for me, as the
gravity of the Father’s love. SACRIFICIAL LOVE. Do you know sacrificial love?
Do you extend sacrificial love to your children?
See, my motivation to catch this
greater, clearer vision of the Father’s love is to be able to understand it and
then EXTEND IT TO MY KIDS! See, as parents, we set the pace of how our children
will relate to God.
From my class, I learned these
keys things about how our dads on earth paint the wrong picture of our Dad in
heaven:
If we are performance-driven,
rewarding only performance kind of parents, we will raise kids who are always ‘working
for more love from God’. But we don’t have to work for God’s love. He loves us
already. There is nothing we can do to make God love us more, and there is
nothing we can do to make God love us less! Do we, as parents, love like God?
Or do we require more performance from our kids for more love?
If we are absent parents, we will
raise kids to not really see Father God. (Like I did.) An absent father can be anything from a father
who passed young and was unable to raise his kids, to the dead-beat abandoned-ship
dad, to the absent-in-the-home dad. The dad who is there in the flesh, but
absent emotionally, affectionately, and not giving of undivided attention. This
is the workaholic dad too. If they are absent due to work, well, they are still
absent, right? Father God is like this to these kids….I have said “I know
Father God loves me”…but I have never had conversation with the Father, poured
my heart out to Him directly…it’s always Jesus. (This is what I am on a mission
to discover – the Omni-PRESENT FATHER God.)
If we are punitive, punishing,
never satisfied, unreasonable parents, guess what? Our kids will grow up afraid
of God. Not fearful, as the godly fear we read of in the Word, not the respect,
revering due to awesomeness…but fear, as in wincing, afraid, scared to approach
Father God.
I do not want to give my kids a
misrepresentation of the Father God. But “wait Jen, you’re their mom” you say…I
extend Father God to parents. Moms and dads will (unintentionally) misrepresent
the Father, if they are unknowing to their Father God and His love.
See, I am on a mission to stop the
Godless generation through my family line. I was not taught about God by my parents.
I am doing the opposite: I am teaching
my kids about God now. And while I can try all day to convince them that ‘God
loves them’, if my actions and example don’t say that, they too will grow up
with a misunderstanding of the Father’s love.
So my devotional life is going on
a journey to discover the Father’s love. The story that comes to mind is the
story of the prodigal son, found in Luke 15:11. This is probably a great place
to start for many of us who had unloving, absent, punishing parents. The father
received the misbehaving son with love and grace, acceptance and joy.
I hope you enjoy the overflow of
my discoveries through my posting on this blog. It’s going to be a great season
of new life and growth with the Lord. I am so excited. God has been so gracious
to teach me to hear His voice. And now, my relationship with God is going to
grow even more…as I pursue Him and perceive Him as my Dad!
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