There is no ‘quick-fix’ for this experience, yet some believe
you can and will ‘just get over it’. How painful to endure such life-altering
grief from actions of those who are in leadership of service to God. Confusion,
anger, denial, rejection, isolation, sorrow, depression are just a few words
that describe these emotional seasons these hurt individuals can suffer.
What is a solution? Where do they turn to? There are many out
there, lost in the crowds of believers longing for healing of these wounds,
searching for someone who will validate their feeling, needing someone who will
listen and empathize, and seeking ministry to them to bring them back into the
flock, a fellowship of believers.
After combing through numerous books and articles, and
collecting stories from a network of fellow believers, it is the writer’s
conclusion: There needs to be a well-publicized ministry for those who have
experienced spiritual abuse from local churches.
The pages that follow will present the case for those who are
hurt. Research data to represent the number of those hurt here in Bakersfield,
CA are unavailable. However, from utilizing social media locally, it has been
‘unofficially’ concluded that at least 10% of the population the writer knows
has suffered a ‘hurt’ from a local church.
To substantiate this assumption, we will consider George Barna’s
findings and statistics through his surveys. We will also define ‘spiritual
abuse’, otherwise referred to as ‘church hurts or wounds’, review a variety of scenarios
and explanations that more specifically address pains from church leadership.
We will also look at ‘Bob’s’ story and consider the implications from his experience, as well as the
effects on other areas of his life that were impacted and where he is now.
Bob’s story will clearly show how a church hurt necessitates
counsel, support, encouragement, admonishment, and help to move forward from
suffering and back into service for the Lord. As we aim to realize the gravity
of these wounds, we see that church hurts, wounds, abuse are an attack on the
unity of the body of Christ. Moving people from pain and back to participation
in the local church is a central goal for ministry to this hurt population.
We will explore the case for counseling as an initial plan
for redeeming the brokenhearted stories and renewing their identity for
spiritual wholeness. In considering the magnitude of pain, specifically ‘grief
counseling’ is considered and contrasted with a deliverance type ministry. The
hurt individual’s own faith and dependency on God will affect the avenue to
take, and since it is the goal to move them toward freedom in Christ,
sensitivity to where they are spiritual will be considered. In the exploration of the broad and general term counseling, we do encounter
‘secular counseling’, which we will address this terminology and present why
this is not a doctrinally sound tactic to help believers in Christ. We will resolve
there is a great need for one-on-one counseling, followed up by a small group
study to move the individual from victimhood to victory.
In our evaluation of all the information read and researched,
a potential recovery ministry was birthed: HOPE AFTER HURT (HAH). The focus of
HAH is a ministry designed for those specifically
hurt by church leadership. While the goal of HAH is wholeness, the population
of individuals who have been sexually abused by church leadership would be
referred for specialized help for the sexual abuse, as that is a more sensitive
topic and outside of the scope of individuals HAH aims to serve. Yes, there is
a great need for restoration for that population, but there seems to be various
sexual abuse counselors and resources for them. HAH is proposed for the
underserved group of the ‘unchurched’ and those who ‘want God, but not the
church’. The goal of HAH is to complete the walk of healing with a group of
individuals who have suffered similar offenses and comparable devastation from church
leadership. The goal is to bring people to an environment of understanding,
empathy, and renewed hope. This also serves as a reentry phase for ‘counselees’
to become part of a larger group, no longer isolated, but brought back into
friendship with other Christian believers. This small group participation will
bring more restoration and ease to the concept of fellowship again, which moves
us closer to the goal: to recover unity in the body of Christ. After months of
research, a potential book partnered with the Bible was located to take a group
through reading and enrichment activities (homework). After reading this
particular book, a basic framework was conceived as a potential 16-week program
to offer to the hurt. ReChurch, Healing
Your Way Back to the People of God by Stephen Mansfield will be shared and
briefly reviewed with potential and inspired assignments to accompany it for a
greater results for participants.
Additionally, a second ministry, serving as follow-up to HAH
is presented as well. Keeping in mind that a central goal is for the
individuals to be a part of a church, a body of believers again. Maintaining
the Word of God that calls us to assemble together, THE DISCIPLESHIP HOUSE
(TDH) is introduced as a small group solution to take these previously-wounded
individuals back to a church body. We
will briefly discuss the term transference within the context of counseling,
while it is a secular term, it does bring clarity of why TDH is presented as a
non-church affiliated discipleship group. Upon completing HOPE AFTER HURT, many
may have a refreshed spiritual walk, however, it is necessary to remain
sensitive to the fact that some may (still) not be willing to ‘jump right back
into church’ right away. It’s as though TDH is another ‘next step’ after HAH, aimed
to promote and introduce individuals back to the scriptural ideals of corporate
worship, exhortation, prayer, and Bible teaching. In addition to fulfilling
Matthew 28:19, 20 and creating disciples who are open again to following the
leading and direction of the triune God, an additional goal of TDH is to
nurture a desire and trust in the hearts of the participants to return to a
larger corporate church body, one in which there is greater opportunities to
serve and become part of a bigger purpose for God.
It is understood that the pages that follow is not an
exhaustive list of solutions. The objective is to expose the reality of
spiritual abuse, yet offer a hopeful remedy through the means of biblical counseling
and small group meetings. What is
presented herein is a result of testimonies of heartbreak that have been
confidentially shared with the writer of this work. With a mission to truly
fulfill Romans 8:28, time, energy, and listening ears were made available to
read and hear the stories of true offenses. Two years ago, stories of truly
life-altering events shared sketched the outline of such a need of ministry in
Bakersfield, CA. With the use of the discernment of the Holy Spirit, insignificant,
petty, surface issues did not motivate these conclusions. However, more
research of the topic of ‘spiritual abuse’ revealed this kind of restorative ministry
would supply many communities, nationwide, with a resource of recovery and
redemption.
Upon introducing this possibility, we see how each
individual’s experience may place them in a different tier of need, if you
will. There may be instances that just group participation in HAH is sufficient
for an individual, while another may need one-on-one counseling for six months
to a year. A key attribute of the leaders of this kind of ministry is truly
patience, in addition to a fervent belief in prayer, and belief that God will do
the work of healing for individuals to rebuild their lives. These attributes
point to the worldview of this writer, which is foundational to understand why the
concepts and solutions have been offered herein for people who are hurt by the
church.
www.thediscipleshiphouse.com can be visited, thanks to blogger....hopeafterhurt.blogspot.com is where we are working on what will be www.hopeafterhurt.org
Continue to pray for me!
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