Is it PRIDE or self-acceptance?

Is it pride when you are able to walk in healthy confidence when you know how jacked up you are and are not ashamed of it?

Is it pride when you are fully aware of your weaknesses, but you still try and work for excellence?

Personally, and not to sound prideful, I am fully aware of areas I need to improve on. I know that I am a worrier, I lack much needed patience, and that I am NOT a gourmet chef. So then, I am not defensive when someone says, "Man, you seem anxious"...."Wow, you need to be more patient"...."This is for dinner?" See, if people were to ask me these things...I would not defend myself, I would agree with them...and either ask for prayer...or invite them to cook dinner next time.

(And that's just 3 examples of the many areas I need help in...I know there are others! Just by the way...)

My goal is to be I am 100% honest with myself and not set myself on a pedestal, thinking I've got it all figured out. The problem lies when people truly believe that I truly think I do have it figured out.

We've all met those teenagers or college-age kids that truly believe they have life figured out. They are entertaining to listen to because I remember being that way...and I am old enough and mature enough to accept that I am wrong in that thinking.

Maybe that's the source of where judgment comes against me. People's misconceptions of me creates the conflict. I'm pretty sure that people, in their lack of time, patience or true interest in me, judge me and believe that I see myself more amazing than I am.

In fact, the times I do get any kind of compliments of being great or something good comes out of me...I turn to the Lord and say, "Wow, that's nice, but if only they knew the truth"....I am aware of the truth of myself and that's actually what enables me to turn over all the nice words and comments to the Lord. Because, honestly, I know that anything good, great or amazing that actually results from my efforts is really God's doing and by His grace, He used me.

I am significant to the Lord. I know this. He is my Maker and Creator. And it is His opinion of me that gives me confidence. If I left my self-esteem up to my own opinion of myself (or others), I would default to a very insecure, depressed person because I am fully aware that I have so far to go.

Now, in the event that someone who is very UNaware and UNaccepting of their own faults and weaknesses tries to bully me - oh watch out!

Another one of my weaknesses pops it head up and I default to the "Let me set you straight" mechanism. This need to defend myself to imperfect, jacked-up fellow believers who walk in superficial confidence really gets my heart-pumping.

FACT: I STILL NEED TO GROW & MATURE!

Unfortunately, since I believe so fully in the power of transparency and self-awareness, I make it a mission to set out and inform people that they too are not perfect, and I take it to the next level by pointing out the obvious areas that they need to improve on.

My biggest error, and what I've been told NOT to do is 'be the Holy Spirit' to people. Trust me, I don't want this role....and my error isn't necessarily that...I'm wrong in not waiting on the person to respond to the Holy Spirit.

I think I conclude that "surely if this person was sensitive to the Holy Spirit, this wouldn't be an issue for them anymore....it's obvious that they can't hear God"...and so, I speak up to "help" them see the light and inform them of what needs some attention in their character or life.

I believe that some of these people do not hear God's voice (because no one has taught them how, and so I am trying to "help" them). Or, I imagine that they are simply ignoring it, ignoring the conviction of the Spirit. And so, I take it upon myself to point out some things that don't line up with the Word. Trust me, I know this is not the "right" thing to do by man's standard....but again:

I STILL NEED TO GROW & MATURE!

So with that....I hope that this message of  transparency will encourage you to examine yourself a little more and accept that you too still need to grow and mature. It's okay. That's what life does...it teaches us about ourselves so that we can change and improve where needed.

But we can only change and still be confident about ourselves when we are hooked up to the Lord and we allow Him time to show us what He is working on. See, the confidence and self-acceptance comes from being secure in who I am in the Lord. I accept that I have a ways to go. I know this. I just wish people around me would accept that about me....and would admit it for themselves too!

What a wonderful place this would be if we could just accept ourselves, be honest with ourselves...and let that acceptance and honesty overflow into our relationship with others!

This is the beginning of the end....

Wow...I am amazed that it is actually taking this long. Aren't you?

For those who have fallen victim to spiritual abuse, hopefully the following post will validate what you feel and will comfort you in some way.

This spring I turned in a thesis for my Master degree titled:

SPIRITUAL ABUSE:CREATES A NEED FOR A COUNSELING AND RESTORATIVE MINISTRY TO BRING HOPE TO THOSE WHO ARE HURT BY THE CHURCH

Can you believe it? Believers hurt believers? It's a phenomenon that I cannot wrap my mind around. Now, to qualify, this is not a silly disagreement, or doctrinal differences I'm talking about.

Actual SPIRITUAL ABUSE is much more devastating than that. I'm talking about where church leaders have misused their authority as a pastor to control, manipulate people for their own sordid gain.

From the book "The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse" by David Johnson and Jeff Van Vonderen, here is a quick list of dynamics to identify whether or not you are in an abusive system/church:

1. Power-Posturing: Leaders spend a lot of time focused on their own authority and remind other of it. The pastor may say, "In this flock, I'm the chief shepherd". Pastor who have true spiritual authority do not have to demand others to notice and set  people spiritually free, not tie in bondage.
2. Performance Preoccupation: Leaders spend time preoccupied with performance of their numbers...Obedience and submission are two words often used to control people and preserve attendance. Obedience and submission to the Lord and the Bible is important, not a man's interpretation, opinion, or personal theology.
3. Unspoken Rules: Leaders use spoken and unspoken rules to control the congregations lives. This is unhealthy. Many times people don't know what the rules are until they break one. Some abusive systems have a rule to 'never disagree with the pastor on his sermons'. Punishment often follows breaking unspoken rules unintentionally by either neglect (being ignored, overlooked, shunned) or aggressive legalism (questioned, openly censured, asked to leave).  Abusive churches have a pretend peace because of their 'can't talk rule'.
4. Lack of balance: Leaders here are objective in that what they interpret from God is superior, this often limits God. This puts God in a box. Leaders also forge ahead with 'spiritual revelation for people'...this environment seduces people to act according to the 'word' from the leader and not necessarily to the actual Bible. (Personal observation: Although, this superiority complex leader is often claiming to NOT put God in a box. However, when he/she is controlling the people...keeping them in a box, he/she is primarily limiting the power of the Holy Spirit living inside each person they are control. They are consistently keeping God in their own box.)

The problem with all these rules and the performance driven, power posturing imbalance of leadership is it creates an environment that actually keeps people from leaving...in all the controlling words blasted from the pulpit, the congregation leads a life of thinking their church is the best, the only one that hears God, the only one God uses, the only one that truly can lead people through a prayer to salvation. I do not see this as truth...this is deviant from the word of God.

According to Johnson and Van Vonderen, here are some characteristics of how the abusive spiritual system/church keeps people entangled and controlled:

1. Paranoia: This assumption that what this church says, knows, or does is a result of being more enlightened than others and others will not understand or will ridicule you...this persecution sensitivity builds a case for keeping everything within the system to isolate the abuser from scrutiny and accountability. This keeps people wounded. Creating fear is an often used tactic to keep people quiet and misled.
2. Misplaced Loyalty: Scare tactics are used of "losing God's blessing if you leave this church". These churches may even have you sign a loyalty statement, this is man legislating their power and control over you. These leaders may use humiliation to control by shaming, exposing, or threatening to remove you from the group. (Again this is all MISUSED AND ABUSED AUTHORITY).
3. Secretive: It's the IMAGE CONSCIOUS abusive leaders that HIDE their inappropriate behavior. This is why they oust or threaten others who may expose their sinfulness and controlling decisions/behaviors. (Some of these kinds of leaders actually avoid any confrontation with people who refuse to take the abuse/treatment.)

The dynamics and characteristics above exist in SPIRITUALLY ABUSIVE SYSTEMS. Get the book yourself and read it. It's a very real thing...I am not coming up with this stuff!

I did the research. I've seen the writing on the walls of such a system myself. For those of you who have been hurt by such a church...Trust me when I say: GOD IS NOT PLEASED.

I know in the fog of the hurt, pain and rejection, you want to punch the next person who quotes the scripture: Vengeance is mine, thus says the Lord, right?

But trust me, this is the beginning of the end for the abusive system/church that hurt you. The one that chewed you up and spit you out.

I have sat and scratched my head and said, "Surely the Holy Spirit is convicting them"...But over and over it continues to happen. I hear the excuse, "they don't know they are doing this". I call boloney on that! I rebuttal to these obvious, innocently deceived victims, "They have to know - they (supposedly) have the Holy Spirit...the Spirit knows...and the Spirit convicts people of this kind of behavior."

REVELATION: God reminded me of how the average person becomes dead to the Spirit's conviction on the sins they refuse to repent of. Now, repentance is NOT just asking God to forgive...it's actually STOPPING THE SINFUL BEHAVIOR. Sooooo, these abusive leaders that are continuing to hurt people over, and over, and over, and, yes - over again...must be dead to the conviction of the Spirit of God.

I've asked many times, "What now?" And now I find my new question to be:

Is this the point where God turns these individuals

over to their depraved mind?

Then what? We will see the walls fall down, the church building of these abusive people will become a desolate place. God's ultimate vindication for the hurt people who have been displaced and dispersed will come.

If this is you, if you've been hurt by 'the church', a pastor, a leader misusing their authority to control, manipulate or reject you....Warning: Get ready to have the hardest season of your life. This season will not be easy...but trust me when I say that because of your faithfulness, God will redeem you! God will restore you! He is our Redeemer and Restorer. Whatever you do, don't throw in your towel with your relationship with GOD!!!! You will have such a testimony at the end of this and God will give you an even greater cause, purpose, and ministry. God's justice will bring you into an even greater territory if you DO NOT GIVE UP! (on Him!)

Yes, get out and away from the abusive church. But keep in touch with the Lord through your devotional life and people who are compassionate and supportive and loving of you and accepting of your dilemma.

I am in the midst of building a ministry for you, the hurt and broken. My goal is to provide a safe environment that will NOT control you, but offer safety and freedom to experience the presence of God. His Presence is what heals, transforms, and renews.

My heart breaks for you. I know where you have been and where you are. Your emotions are real. It is truly an injustice. Those who have hurt you are not representing our Lord Jesus Christ properly...they are in fact grieving the Holy Spirit.

And this, my friend, I sadly declare is the beginning of the end of such ministries.

Life is a whirlwind...

Life is a whirlwind....

It's either circumstantially out of our control, crazy.....
Or it's self-inflicted, adrenaline junky-induced pandemonium.

My life gets whirling around in a tailspin when I am not saying no to people that I need to...

Or when I have my head's in the cloud too long, dreaming too much.

How to take yourself out of the whirlwind....PRIORITIZE!

Even if you're "not a list person"....write down the 3-5 most important things to you, for your family, and your future. This will streamline how to manage your time more wisely.

I don't know about you, but I get derailed easily. And since I love to talk to people, I derail others easily. I've come to accept that I will never be able to finish a single conversation with anyone....probably...the story of our lives are always in continuum. Going on and on, evolving from a love story to tragedy....or tragedy to a happy ending. Either way, there will always be details to share and prayers to request.

People are a priority to me...but after my health, my boys, marriage, family, and my personal walk with God!

Many find themselves in a whirlwind because they don't know where they are headed, and they don't have God as captain of their ship.

My life verse is John 15:5....find it...read it...meditate on it...and you will find the whirlwind dissipate and leave peace!