Working it out...

Don't you just love transparent people? I think transparency is wonderful. It's liberating for the transparent person, and it's empowering for those around 'em.

You ever feel like you just 'gotta to do something'...and then you do it. And then it's not what you quite expected? Me too. However, I'm learning and accepting that I'd rather step out and try something, and be a little disappointed, then be stuck feeling miserable in my lack of adventure. Does that make sense?

My life takes this turn quite often. I get excited, step out and do something, find that it's a little bit of what I want to do, my dreams morph into something bigger, then I feel overwhelmed and have to make adjustments. Do you ever feel like that?

It's okay. It's life. It can be worked out.

One of my biggest struggles is balancing it all. And my 'all' is different than your 'all' and we'll both handle our 'alls' differently. But one place I can always turn to is the Word of God when I need to make an adjustment. Like today, I took these feelings of overwhelment to the Lord and here is what I got for a word: God wants us to help the needy, but not to the point that our family suffers.

I am not good at balancing it 'all' right? Here's why: I'm a very, very task-oriented person. I love to-do lists and when I get going on a project, you better watch out because I might run you over.  This is a great characteristic to have. My previous employers have loved this about me. But, it's not so good for my kids.

For example, I count on Jacob taking a nap at a certain time and I plan my chores & stuff around it. Now, when the 4 yr. old jumps in the crib w/ the baby, keeps him awake, I get a little frazzled. Now, I have to rearrange my day, that errand I was going to run when the baby woke up, has to wait until later, which if the baby sleeps longer than 2 hrs. it's going to have to wait until the next day, because for me, once 4 p.m. rolls around, I need to be at home. Certain things need to happen at certain times. So, I become frazzled over the monkey wrench thrown into my day.

But mommyhood is teaching me that 1) being a mommy is top priority over being the janitor, running errands, and emails and 2) mommyhood is priority over the whole list of things I want to pursue.

I'm a dreamer. I'm always thinking, dreaming, journaling, brainstorming. And for me, I have to turn that all off because I need to read to my kids, color, play, cuddle, etc.

People look at me like I'm crazy when I say it's hard for me to be a stay-at-home mom. Because, for me, being a 'stay-at-home' mom seems to be that. I'm at home to be a mom - first! This BB biz, helping everyone in the world that I can, has to come second to me being a mom. (And I'm I speaking to the hours that my husband is not home. I have an audience that will remind me my husband is first...and he is...but when he's not home, the other 2 men in my life come 1st).

So what is my post about today? Me sharing life with you! Me just 'working it out'. I find that when we share what's "REALLY" going on with in our lives, life is so much easier. (I can't stand fakeness. Fake smiles, fake conversations, fake hugs...you can fake it w/ everyone else, but don't fake it with me! Neither one of us will grow & benefit!)

I always appreciate insight from others. We need eachother. So if you are a person who prays, pray that I will do what God wants above what I want to do. My wants don't always line up w/ His initially. However, through prayer, the track I'm on usually merges onto the track He has for me. And I want what He wants for my life. He has and wants the best for me! Thanks.