Look at their fruit...

I am horrible at taking people's advice. I have a near overreaction that overtly, instantly communicates disgust and disapproval. Yea, that's my defense mechanism from being controlled, manipulated, and pressured throughout my life. I'm very well aware of it...and yes, I'm working on it.

But seriously, how often do people offer their opinions and advice? Many do, right? Many times, I have been that person as well. But luckily I've learned to offer it without high pressure (I hope) and say it in a friendship kind of style: "If I were in your situation, this is probably what I would do......"

NOTE: During this quarter at Summit Bible College, I learned more from my counseling class how that is NOT the way to counsel.

But we give advice to friends all the time right? Try this shampoo, go to my hairdresser, go to my chiropractor, you need a such&such vacuum, don't pick that insurance, these cars are the best...really, the list can go on and on, right? And because the list does go on and on, we've got to figure out a way to wade through their advice.

What I have learned works 'for me' is to make observations about the person giving the advice, BEFORE I consider it.

1. What are their motives? Some people really want the best for us and so their advice can reflect that. Other times, many times, people think that the decisions they've made in their lives are the best ones, and despite the fact that you have a different life, different priorities, a different purpose, they really think you should do what they did. I often say 'why do they want me to do that so bad?' Sometimes they have a limited view of life and while they think what they've done is amazing and the greatest, you, yourself may have seen a lot more and want even more, but they don't realize that and so they are soooooo excited to share what they did. They are often offended if you don't take their advice. As though you not desiring to do what they did is your disapproval of them. Which is usually not the case. Other times, there is a control factor. We see this a lot with parents and their kids. Parents have dreams and goals for their kids, without the child even expressing interest. Then parents control and manipulate their child's life to bring that dream to pass. When children are young, they may enjoy it...but as soon as they become adults, it's apparent that the parents have dictated to the child what they will do and be. Soon this control and expectation becomes a heavy burden on the grown child. Check out the person's motives of why they are offering you advice. Do they have monetary interest in you jumping on their bandwagon?
2. Is their fruit of their advice working for them, in their lives? For illustrative purposes, let's use the fact there are a ton of shakes on the market. Some you buy at WalMart, others you buy online from a MLM. You know what I'm getting at right? There's Isagenix, Visalus, and my favorite Shakeology. Now last year Isagenix people were everywhere...and while that sounded ideal to not eat for 9-11 days and drink only shakes and drop 10-20 lbs (NOT!) - before I was PERSUADED to buy into this 'fix to weight problems'...I looked around at all these women drinking them. The fruit I saw was women going up and down in their weight. A sure indication that this was not a long-term weight loss solution. I heard of one woman buying a van with all the money she earned, but a few months later, she was thick again. Another woman who followed her friends' advice to buy in (so that they could make money off her) still battles with her weight today. Why do I use that example? Well....For me, as I have successfully lost over 25 lbs. and kept it off by using Beachbody workout programs (Beachbody makes Shakeology btw.) (Which Beachbody above all does offer a better comprehensive plan of focusing on nutrition and exercise, the best combo for long-term weight loss...just btw.) But since soooo many were 'pressuring' others to buy into this fascinating shake, I sat back and watched. See, I like to see if the 'advice' someone is giving me even works for them. Make sense? For that case, I'm not convinced...this can apply anywhere...think of the all the real estate deals at 'low interest rates' that went on 2005-2007. Did that really work for most long-term? No. Folks, we need to be more objective and look at the bigger picture of the person's life. I've heard it said, you don't take financial advice from a beggar right. I also don't take financial advice from people thousands, and thousands of dollars in debt. Many look at the outside of what people have. But do they even OWN it? Hmmmmm. Right? Gross and net are 2 different numbers. If you take all their assets and minus their liabilities, you may find that you are in a better situation than them. Just look at the overall fruit and get to know the person well before you take their word for it!
3. And when there is fruit from people's advice and they have no controlling motives, just pure genuine compassion and interest in you doing well...then I take that advice to prayer.

We must be vigilant in screening people's advice they speak into our lives. There are a ton of 'self-help' tools that many stumble upon and they try to turn us onto it. Did it even work for them? Has it brought them out to the other side yet???

 

One of the greatest sources for 'advice' in my life is: GOD.

Honestly, on any decision I need to make, especially the ones that impact my entire life, family, and finances - I always take it to prayer and ask for God to confirm that direction/decision.

In all this halulbaloo on people giving me advice, they don't realize that I go to the One who holds my future and knows exactly what I need to do.

Not to be boastful at all, but I really can accomplish anything I set out to do.

Except heart, brain, or any kind of surgery...I can't operate X-Ray equipment, I can't sew...Wow...I can't do EVERYTHING....Although, note the keywords: ANYTHING I SET OUT TO DO.

I've met many entrepreneurs in my life. And they are all convinced that I should do what they do. Well why do you think that is so: They chose it for THEIR life and it's working for them. And many times, they see someone who can do much, and they want to make money off me. Hey, can you blame them? It's the AMERICAN way!

For example, I was going and blowing when I worked as a buying agent for Mark Ponder in real estate here locally in 2000-2002. At 24 to 26 years I was making $5,000/month w/ very little bills. That was 'successful' in the world's eyes, right?

But was out drinking nightly to wine and mingle successful? Put in potentially adultress situations successful? Yea...I didn't think so either.

At 26 years old, I evaluated what I was doing, my hours, the requirements of my time and asked myself: Could I be a mom and wife doing this? Working 7/8 a.m. to 6-10 p.m. on any given day, and mostly 7 days/week. When would I have time to be a mom and wife?

Now, here is the thing...While I wasn't married yet, I made a decision to bow out early on because the lifestyle I wanted with going to church, taking care of my future family did not fit into this career choice at the time. It was that simple. Why pour my life out into something that would NOT support my true future goals? (Which that is important to figure out now, for decisions that will impact your life later....)

I really figured out at a young age that LIFE IS NOT ABOUT MONEY. I knew millionaires then, at 25ish...I saw all the cool stuff you can have, places you can go, people to clean your house, drive you around, cook for you...But then I saw a snapshot of their voided, corrupted heart. Their #1 priority was themselves, their lusts, they wants and desires...at any cost. (Yea, pretty grateful that God invaded my life at that season to pull me out of that arena!)

Now, I have met some great people who have a lot of  money...you wouldn't know it though. They OWN average homes in nice neighborhoods, they drive a typical car. They wear caps and jeans and tennis shoes, clip coupons, save more than they spend. They have hobbies, they usually love their spouse/family and talk about them a lot in short conversations....There are some good people out there with money. Most are what is called 'old money'. You know the ones who figured out early on that life is not about making more and more...but since they did good things with it to better other people's lives, they got even more blessed. Those are millionaires that impress me. The ones that you would never guess are millionaires...You can tell that they have money, but money does not have them. Their money is not what makes them confident.

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See for me, my top, top priorities are GOD & FAMILY. When something comes along that is inticing BUT interferes with those 2 priorities, I can't even consider it.

But I will hear words of:

Think of all the money you can make?????

Really? Is that all what life is about? Sure we need money to survive, but to forfeit 5-10 years of being home with my family daily, while my kids are so little, so needy, and impressionable, is that really a good choice? Is that what God would call me to do? NO. I don't read it in the Bible and can't feel it in my deep convictions. I cannot find anything that calls me to chase money. (Check out the Book of Ecclesiastes in the Bible...and it's written by Solomon, the richest man in the Bible who...guess what? Fell to lust and took many wives and chased their false gods. Hmmmm, did you know that?)

We are living in a time of 'relativism' - what's good for you is good for you, what's good for me, is good for me. Although, I see this more when it comes to discussions about the Lord Jesus Christ. 'Yea, that Jesus thing, hey it doesn't work for me, but if it works for you, great!'

Yet, at the same time, we are inundated with emails, advertisements, commercials, sales calls, and all those things basically communicating:

Hey this is great for you -

YOU NEED IT, YOU GOTTA HAVE IT, YOU SHOULD DO IT!

On a personal level, I look at people's fruit. What is their fruit? I look at their marriage, their kids, their relationships, their personality, their debt, their family values...and many times, my subconscious thought is: I DON'T WANT THEIR LIFE...so I won't take their advice.

For me, it's really that simple. Now, I don't verbalize that obviously. But I'm learning to shake my head to indicate I hear them...ask a couple questions to find out more to affirm my decision of 'no'...and then evade the commitment.

If the statistic I've read from reliable sources is true that only 10% of believers read their Bibles, than I think it's safe to assume that many people in this world do not serve God, let alone share my personal values and convictions. So with that in mind, should I jump on every opportunity that comes my way or follow everyone's advice?

I remind myself often, people have no idea what God is feeding me, what He is teaching me, and showing me for my future. I'm in this season of my roots growing down deep and catching a vision for my future. You can't see on the surface what the roots of a tree do, just as many do not see what God is bestowing in my heart.

My advice to all is:

FIND OUT WHAT GOD MADE YOU FOR AND IS CALLING YOU TO DO,
AND THEN DO THAT!

Once you know this, people will have little influence in your life. And many of them don't even have a life that you really want, if you look at the big picture. See, I've seen the demise of many men's character, families, integrity because of monetary success. Yea, I don't want to succumb to the ways of the world, look like the world, talk and act like 'the world'....so I won't chase the Benjamins like the world.

I could ramble on and on, on this topic. Probably because for most of my life, I was influenced by so many other selfish, controlling people. As a child, I didn't know better when my peers influenced me. That mentality followed me into my teen years and early 20s where I met numerous corrupt people.

Finally at meeting Jesus and His influence penetrating into my life, I have continued to grow with wisdom on how to make decisions in my life...and how NOT to chase other people's dreams.

Perhaps I'm doing it the wrong way. Don't take my word for it. Although, I have a husband and 2 boys who really love Jesus. I have happy, healthy kids. My husband and I have a better marriage than we did 6 years ago, 3 years ago, and 1 year ago. So I have some decent fruit growing in my life.

The advice I do give to people however, is this:

• If you don't know Jesus, ask Him into your life.
• If you know Jesus, but He's not apart of your life, ask Him to invade your life.
• If you know Jesus, or just met Him, just keep seeking Him with all your heart.

I am convinced of John 15:5 - Apart from Jesus, we can do nothing. Many would want to argue because they may have a fat bank account. But my question to them is always: how are your kids, how is your wife/your husband, how is your health, how are your parents....and where will you spend eternity?

Just some things on my heart today. There's so many things that fight for our attention, our money, and our time. Why not give it ALL to God first and allow Him to lead you down the path He has specifically chosen for YOU? Perhaps money will follow, but at least you can receive it from God, the author of your life, your creator and Father!

Rough couple of weeks...coming to an end!

Yes, I've been MIA a bit. With homework as the first priority upon finally waking up from sleepless nights of sick babies, my blogging has been put on the back burner. But get ready, cuz with a new year, comes greater ambition and I've got some things I want to check of the list.

Stay tuned for a video in the morning!!!!

God bless & good night!

My Goals & What It's Going to Take to Get There

My new set goal is to be a Coach that reaches as many people as possible to transform bodies & lives. When this happens, I will experience the greatest rewards.

But in order for me to reach my goal AND keep my priorities of God, Family, and Personal Fitness at the top - I MUST learn more about time-management.

Not sure if you need help here too, but....you will being getting some 2nd hand info from me over the next few weeks as I pursue my goal and keep my priorities...PRIORITY!

Part of this plan will affect you...How? My blogs will be a bit shorter, yet same quality. This will give me more time for more research and work...and will you give you more time as well.

I hope you and I will grow in more knowledge of how to manage our time together. When our time is managed well, our lives are managed well. Tired of chaos, never getting 'stuff' done???? Jump on board with me and let's get our schedules organized together!

Found the cure for bad attitude & grumpiness

At the start of Thursday, I was adamant that I would exercise & burn some calories first thing, since I missed my workout the previous day. And when I missed it on Wednesday...wow, I was grumpy. It challenged me to ask myself 'is working out an idol in my life?' And it just dawned on me, I did miss my shake too - that may have been the straw that broke the camel's back Wednesday. Hmmmmmmm, that makes sense to me.

Anyways, I had to ask myself, 'what are MY priorities?' My priorities are not the same as most/other people, and I have different demands on my time too. And although working out and staying in shape is NOT an idol in my life, it is a top priority. But, I broke the negative talk about the missed workout and set my mind straight that 1 missed workout would NOT turn into 2 missed workouts...and it didn't.

I did my HIIT 20 and Ab Jam on Thursday morning and felt great. So great that I managed to get the house cleaned, laundry washed and dried, the oil changed in the car, kids out to lunch, slip & slide in the backyard before dinner...and everyone washed & cleaned and in bed by 9 p.m.

This may be why working out  is so important to me & for me. It's my opportunity to get the blood flowing, adrenaline pumping so that my mind can be focused on the tasks at hand throughout the rest of the day. Start the day with some killer-cardio and bam - energy to accomplish my day!

Sweat running down my neck,
hair drenched after some calorie-
burning Turbo!!!

When I finish a great workout, sweat is dripping off my nose into the floor as I stretch, I feel like I can accomplish anything. And I typically do that day.

I think this is something many of you need to experience. Some of you look at working out as a chore, something you HAVE to do. You dread it...you talk yourself out of it...But I'm at the point in my journey that working out is something I GET to do. It's a treat to myself that I benefit from in so many ways.

Here's a few benefits I can think of: I look better in the mirror - that's an obvious bonus, right? Which in turn makes me feel better about myself. I've become more positive and confident, which is a blessing to my husband. Any stress I had is now minimized, a better frame of mind for the sake of my kids.

Working out is a blessing. People would pay money for a pill that could do all that for them...but you gotta work out to experience it all first hand. It's an amazing rush to complete a workout that made you push so hard, you're out of breath, heart racing...blood pumping. It's absolutely amazing I tell ya!

Maybe that's why I get grumpy when I miss a workout. I'm really grumpy because I miss the blessing in it. I missed my dose of 'feel good medicine'. Hmmmmmm. That makes sense, right?

Wednesday, I was unorganized, felt like I was in a hurry, completely impatient, running behind. (Remember, I missed my workout cuz I had to 'run out the door'.) Thursday on the other hand, I was tackling my to-do list, handling naptime as it came, adapted my list to accomadate a sleeping baby...and still got the important stuff done - with some mommy & boys' time with the slip & slide in the backyard. Life was good Thursday. This all followed a great high intensity workout!

So you know what is on the agenda first thing today: TurboFire baby...(and then I'm getting my toes done.) I have a light day today since I worked so hard to get the house clean on Thursday. What a pay-off! Score for me, the boys, and daddy! I think I'll stick to working out daily. How 'bout you?

Day OFF with the KIDS!

As I reflect over my priorities, I see that my time is not always going to the ones who mean the most to me. Not sure if I can stick to every Friday...but I'm declaring on this Thursday night that Friday is my day off with my kids.

I will still do my workout Friday, Saturday and Sunday...that's a high priority (not lord over my life, just a priority). I will  run an errand to the store (because it will help my home function more comfortably, and that's a top priority).

But my day is going to include them, my time, energy and attention are their's! In the end, I may need them to take care of me, so I better do the best job I can now while I still have them to leave them with fond memories. I want them to be nice to me when I'm a geriatric, ya know...Remember, I only get one shot at this!

(In case of an emergency, dial 911, I am detained for the next 24-72 hours or so! :) Bless ya!)

My Boys...

My focus is shifting,
My time is running out,
Soon they will be grown,
I've got to make it count.

So many hours lost to "just a minute",
Have quickly been slipping through my hands.
I can't get them back, and I just can't forget it,
I don't want to lose these last moments that I have.

They are why I am here,
Not to the save the world, yours and mine,
But to provide them with warm hugs, love & care,
They're only mine for this short length of time.

Finding that it's my 'distractions',
That run my patience thin,
It's not their interruptions,
They just need my time & attention.

So I make the needed adjustments,
Making them my priorities,
Yes it will take better time management,
After time w/ the Lord & Daddy.

I only get one shot at this,
So I better make it count,
Soon they'll be grown & I will miss,
All the days I could've made it count.

Working it out...

Don't you just love transparent people? I think transparency is wonderful. It's liberating for the transparent person, and it's empowering for those around 'em.

You ever feel like you just 'gotta to do something'...and then you do it. And then it's not what you quite expected? Me too. However, I'm learning and accepting that I'd rather step out and try something, and be a little disappointed, then be stuck feeling miserable in my lack of adventure. Does that make sense?

My life takes this turn quite often. I get excited, step out and do something, find that it's a little bit of what I want to do, my dreams morph into something bigger, then I feel overwhelmed and have to make adjustments. Do you ever feel like that?

It's okay. It's life. It can be worked out.

One of my biggest struggles is balancing it all. And my 'all' is different than your 'all' and we'll both handle our 'alls' differently. But one place I can always turn to is the Word of God when I need to make an adjustment. Like today, I took these feelings of overwhelment to the Lord and here is what I got for a word: God wants us to help the needy, but not to the point that our family suffers.

I am not good at balancing it 'all' right? Here's why: I'm a very, very task-oriented person. I love to-do lists and when I get going on a project, you better watch out because I might run you over.  This is a great characteristic to have. My previous employers have loved this about me. But, it's not so good for my kids.

For example, I count on Jacob taking a nap at a certain time and I plan my chores & stuff around it. Now, when the 4 yr. old jumps in the crib w/ the baby, keeps him awake, I get a little frazzled. Now, I have to rearrange my day, that errand I was going to run when the baby woke up, has to wait until later, which if the baby sleeps longer than 2 hrs. it's going to have to wait until the next day, because for me, once 4 p.m. rolls around, I need to be at home. Certain things need to happen at certain times. So, I become frazzled over the monkey wrench thrown into my day.

But mommyhood is teaching me that 1) being a mommy is top priority over being the janitor, running errands, and emails and 2) mommyhood is priority over the whole list of things I want to pursue.

I'm a dreamer. I'm always thinking, dreaming, journaling, brainstorming. And for me, I have to turn that all off because I need to read to my kids, color, play, cuddle, etc.

People look at me like I'm crazy when I say it's hard for me to be a stay-at-home mom. Because, for me, being a 'stay-at-home' mom seems to be that. I'm at home to be a mom - first! This BB biz, helping everyone in the world that I can, has to come second to me being a mom. (And I'm I speaking to the hours that my husband is not home. I have an audience that will remind me my husband is first...and he is...but when he's not home, the other 2 men in my life come 1st).

So what is my post about today? Me sharing life with you! Me just 'working it out'. I find that when we share what's "REALLY" going on with in our lives, life is so much easier. (I can't stand fakeness. Fake smiles, fake conversations, fake hugs...you can fake it w/ everyone else, but don't fake it with me! Neither one of us will grow & benefit!)

I always appreciate insight from others. We need eachother. So if you are a person who prays, pray that I will do what God wants above what I want to do. My wants don't always line up w/ His initially. However, through prayer, the track I'm on usually merges onto the track He has for me. And I want what He wants for my life. He has and wants the best for me! Thanks.