Upon the eve of me starting my marriage counseling class at Summit Bible College, I thought to myself about how the cost of marriage counseling (which most/all/any marriage would benefit from) compares to the cost of divorce.
Here locally, I've heard you can get some great biblical, marriage counseling for $100/hr.
Here's what I found for costs of divorce:
Most lawyers charge an hourly rate, so expect to pay between $100 and $450 an hour, says Jan Warner of Columbia, S.C., a divorce attorney for 30 years. Some lawyers may charge as little as $75 an hour, according to maritalstatus.com, with an up-front retainer of $500 to $10,000.
Most of the disagreements in her case, she says, pertained to the custody of her 5-year-old son. The divorce ended up costing her $25,000 in legal and court fees. That money, she says, could have been used for more important things. "That was my child's (college) education fund," says Reddy. "But I still have 13 more years to save."
* Info gathered from Bankrate.com
So lawyers charge between $100-450 and hour. How much money could most of the divorced have saved over the long-term had they just invested a $500+/year for some counseling and maintenance.
And we haven't even scratched the surface on the emotional costs for both the husband and wife, the kids, the grandparents, aunts & uncles, etc...the scars trickle through the whole family. I am a child of divorce - now my kids have to deal w/ missing out on one grandparent.
Just a couple of weeks ago I got the Weekend to Remember by FamilyLife Ministries info in the mail. The registration fee was $318 per couple, but offered discounted rates of $199 each, for 2 couples....and $159 per couple for a group. Throw in the $250-300 on hotel, $200+ on food & gas and you've got a $600 weekend. That would help many marriages.
And those who need serious help...
that's 6 counseling sessions.
Counseling is AWESOME! Think about it.
When you have pneumonia, do you stay home and just wait it out? NO! You go to a doctor to get help right away, some medicine to heal the infection. For those who try to 'get better on their own'...what happens to them? They end up in a crisis! In the ER!
That's what many do with their marriage. They wait until the crisis comes to reach out for the counselor.
What if you reached out when you were going through rough patches? Some ups & downs, communication issues, some unresolved conflict.
What if you got a fresh perspective on your relationship, got some tools and insight to put into practice, and then kept up your appointments for the accountability?
People have doctors, personal trainers, life coaches, business consultants....but a counselor to help you with the most important human relationship is still taboo? Why?
We've got to be humble enough to say,
"I don't know what I'm doing and I need help".
Personally, this is why I read so much. I read books on motherhood, prayer, fasting, marriage, diet, exercise, life-management, etc. Someone out there knows more than I, so off I go on my information-hunt!
If you need help in your marriage, find a marriage counselor that shares your faith. If you're a child of God, make sure your counselor loves and fears God.
Find a Christian counselor who upholds to the Word of God. The last thing you want to do is go to someone who does not share the same hope in Christ and gives you a sad prognosis to dissolve the marriage.
Get help! Get it fast! And get it in time!
Disclaimers:
There are probably wives/husbands reading this saying, "I tried to go, but my spouse wouldn't go"...default to the top paragraph as a method to start with...and go to yesterday's post and see if this gives you some inspiration if you're in that situation. http://flexandgetfit.blogspot.com/2012/04/who-starts-change-in-marriage.html
If you've divorced already, I am sincerely so sorry. Tuck this away for the future relationships you have...refer to yesterday's post. But most importantly, prayerfully (without your rose-colored glasses on) pursue any future spouse. Go into it fully objective and heed to the red flags. Many marriages could be saved by NOT marrrying the wrong person through serious contemplation and not by the lustful emotions that drives so many to that quick, spontaneous romantic idea of a beautiful wedding.
BTW: I know of a couple of Christian counselors if you need one here in the Bakersfield area, email me at flexyourselfjen@yahoo.com if you need some names!
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