ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!

How do we make God feel? Keep that question in mind as I run through some scenarios.

• You have a best friend that says she'll spend time with you. You haven't seen her for a long time and she promises a day with you. You have big plans of all the wonderful things you will share with her...and you can't wait to hear about life in her world. But the day comes and 'something comes up'. She promises next week you will get together, but the week rolls by without a day together. Couple things I would be thinking...1) Is she really a best friend? 2) Actions speak louder than words.

• Your spouse works long hours, and when you finally have potential time to spend together, they are either grumpy/complainy about the demands of life or voice that they'd really love to indulge in their hobby than spend time with you. There's already a void in your relationship throughout the week by their long hours, and even when the weekend comes, no special time is set aside for you...again. Couple things I would be thinking....1) Does my spouse really love me? 2) Actions speak louder than words.

QUESTION: Aren't we the best friend/spouse to God?

Think about it. Challenge yourself with this question. Do you spend the time with God that you promise Him. Do you make your appointment with Him daily? Weekly? Do you share the wonderful things of life with Him, like you do your friends....or do you only complain. Which complaining is okay, we do that with friends and He wants us to cast our cares and burdens on Him...but do you celebrate life with Him. Or do you only run to Him in crisis - ONLY?

Is work, hobbies, friends, work/making $$$ or everything else - more important than God? Look at your calendar. What activities in your schedule include God? Does where you spend your time communicate that God is a top priority? 

We say we love God, but do our actions say so? 

• Our children need more of us. We say they are our number one priorities. We promise trips to the park, coloring book time, reading time, cuddle time....but somehow, somewhere all that time turns into chores time, phone w/ friends time, or social media time. Our kids are longing for us. And we are absent in the home, physically present, socially unavailable - leaving our kids unstimulated, without affection, and without attention that communicates YOU ARE PRIORITY. Couple things I'm thinking....1) No wonder kids need meds, they're emotinally bankrupt. 2) Actions speak louder than words.

QUESTION: What if God was a parent like us?

Hardly available to listen to us? Unavailable to help us in life? Leaving us independent, forcing us to survive this world on our own without guidance?

Thank God He doesn't, right? Thank God He's NOT! He is readily available to listen, to rescue, to provide, to comfort us. When we talk to Him, He is fully listening. We are His #1 priority and He very well communicates that to me.

So here's the challenge:

Do what you say you're going to do

for God/with God - consistently.

Long-term.

You will finally gain some spiritual ground, you'll spiritually grow....and then, you will be able to be the parent your kids need, the spouse your husband/wife needs. You will soon become the child of God He intended for you to be!

Don't call it quits - it costs too much!

Continuing on from yesterday's post of making a marriage work, some way, somehow - prayer being a method of choice. Prayer does amazing thing. Counseling is another thing to add to the recipe for a successful marriage!

Upon the eve of me starting my marriage counseling class at Summit Bible College, I thought to myself about how the cost of marriage counseling (which most/all/any marriage would benefit from) compares to the cost of divorce.

Here locally, I've heard you can get some great biblical, marriage counseling for $100/hr.

Here's what I found for costs of divorce:

Most lawyers charge an hourly rate, so expect to pay between $100 and $450 an hour, says Jan Warner of Columbia, S.C., a divorce attorney for 30 years. Some lawyers may charge as little as $75 an hour, according to maritalstatus.com, with an up-front retainer of $500 to $10,000.

Most of the disagreements in her case, she says, pertained to the custody of her 5-year-old son. The divorce ended up costing her $25,000 in legal and court fees. That money, she says, could have been used for more important things. "That was my child's (college) education fund," says Reddy. "But I still have 13 more years to save."

Divorce is big business in the United States. According to maritalstatus.com, a Web site geared toward divorce and remarriage, divorce is a $28 billion-a-year industry with an average cost of about $20,000.

* Info gathered from Bankrate.com

So lawyers charge between $100-450 and hour. How much money could most of the divorced have saved over the long-term had they just invested a $500+/year for some counseling and maintenance.

And we haven't even scratched the surface on the emotional costs for both the husband and wife, the kids, the grandparents, aunts & uncles, etc...the scars trickle through the whole family. I am a child of divorce - now my kids have to deal w/ missing out on one grandparent.

Just a couple of weeks ago I got the Weekend to Remember by FamilyLife Ministries info in the mail. The registration fee was $318 per couple, but offered discounted rates of $199 each, for 2 couples....and $159 per couple for a group. Throw in the $250-300 on hotel, $200+ on food & gas and you've got a $600 weekend. That would help many marriages.

And those who need serious help...
                                          that's 6 counseling sessions.

Counseling is AWESOME! Think about it.

When you have pneumonia, do you stay home and just wait it out? NO! You go to a doctor to get help right away, some medicine to heal the infection. For those who try to 'get better on their own'...what happens to them? They end up in a crisis! In the ER! 

That's what many do with their marriage. They wait until the crisis comes to reach out for the counselor. 

What if you reached out when you were going through rough patches? Some ups & downs, communication issues, some unresolved conflict.

What if you got a fresh perspective on your relationship, got some tools and insight to put into practice, and then kept up your appointments for the accountability?

People have doctors, personal trainers, life coaches, business consultants....but a counselor to help you with the most important human relationship is still taboo? Why?

We've got to be humble enough to say,

"I don't know what I'm doing and I need help".

Personally, this is why I read so much. I read books on motherhood, prayer, fasting, marriage, diet, exercise, life-management, etc. Someone out there knows more than I, so off I go on my information-hunt!

If you need help in your marriage, find a marriage counselor that shares your faith. If you're a child of God, make sure your counselor loves and fears God.

Find a Christian counselor who upholds to the Word of God. The last thing you want to do is go to someone who does not share the same hope in Christ and gives you a sad prognosis to dissolve the marriage.

Get help! Get it fast! And get it in time! 

Disclaimers:

There are probably wives/husbands reading this saying, "I tried to go, but my spouse wouldn't go"...default to the top paragraph as a method to start with...and go to yesterday's post and see if this gives you some inspiration if you're in that situation. http://flexandgetfit.blogspot.com/2012/04/who-starts-change-in-marriage.html

If you've divorced already, I am sincerely so sorry. Tuck this away for the future relationships you have...refer to yesterday's post. But most importantly, prayerfully (without your rose-colored glasses on) pursue any future spouse. Go into it fully objective and heed to the red flags. Many marriages could be saved by NOT marrrying the wrong person through serious contemplation and not by the lustful emotions that drives so many to that quick, spontaneous romantic idea of a beautiful wedding.

BTW: I know of a couple of Christian counselors if you need one here in the Bakersfield area, email me at flexyourselfjen@yahoo.com if you need some names!